Total Nonsense Fun

I'm ONE TOP MAMA!!!

Go click on my pic - it'll be fun...


How long do you think I can last???

UPDATE: I lasted less than 24 hours. I guess I am just a legend in my own mind...

Peace Out,

Working Gal

I thought we would outgrow this stuff

As you may know, I work in a huge government office. There is a core group of about 50 attorneys at my level (or just above or below), and we all know each other pretty well. When I first started, I noticed that there was some gossip.

It has been two years.

Turns out there is ALOT of gossip - it just takes a while to build up the trust where people will talk about other people in front of you. Now, if you think about it, that is sort of a sick system. In order to hear the gossip from the "gossiper" you have to prove yourself to be a person that doesn't gossip - at least not to the "wrong" people.

It seems that there is one core group of "cool kids" - and, for the first time in my life, I am marginally a member of that group. This means that I am not sought out by them, but, if I happen to be in a room, and they happen to start gossiping, they wont stop because I am there.

Is this a good thing?

I see pros and cons. It is good to have some of the inside information - knowledge is power - and gossip really can give you insights into people.

However, while I may laugh at jokes and impersonations (because, frankly, we have some seriously funny people), sometimes it goes to far. Then, I feel really shitty afterwards - and wish that I hadn't observed and participated in the whole thing.

It makes me analyze myself a little, and I have realized (over and over in my life...geez, I'm sick of hearing myself whine...) that I have a desire to be included. I am just not sure how to balance that with avoiding becoming a topic of the gossip - "that Working Gal...she sure is stuffy!"

Geez.

Peace Out,

Working Gal

Kindergarten Blues

My baby starts KINDERGARTEN in the fall!!!

Ok, I already knew that, but, last night it really hit me and AtHomeHubby. It made me think back to the first day we had to put Brandelion in daycare when he was eight months old.

We had visited the daycare several times, and we knew he would be fine. I thought I was okay, and the first day I arrived a little early and got him settled in. I headed home to change and get ready to go to work and school, and as I got out of the building

I. Lost. It.

I stood in the parking lot of the daycare BAWLING, and wanting to go back in to get him. I made myself get in the car, and by the time I drove the 10 minutes home I had cried so hard that I had a migraine.

I called in sick to work, and just stayed at home for the day while my baby was at daycare!!!

My mom called me later in the day, thinking I was at work. It turns out that she had sent me flowers at my job because she knew what a tough day it was going to be for me, her baby.

Peace Out,

Working Gal

Mother's Day-Lapalooza

My mother's day:

7:15 AM - ahh...I get to sleep in today!!!! Roll back over... close eyes...

7:16 AM - (Brandelion) MOM!!!! Don't WAKE UP yet!!!! We are making a surprise for you.

7:16 - 7:45 - try to fall back asleep

7:45 watch the last 15 minutes of John McCain on Meet the Press. Geez, he's old! I do love watching a Republican back-peddle.

8:45 - kids and hubby bring me crepes for breakfast. They also bring balloons, and adorable cards and handmade pictures...

9:45 - off to church where the sermon is about Julia Ward Howe and how mother's day started out as a women's peace movement. Here is a part of her Mother's Day Proclamation:

Arise then...women of this day!

Arise, all women who have hearts!

Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!

Say firmly:"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,

Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,

For caresses and applause.

Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn

All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We, the women of one country,

Will be too tender of those of another country

To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

This made me cry and think about how I would feel if Brandelion someday had to serve in war. Would it undo all that I have tried to teach him? And how could I ever send my son to kill the son of another mother?

I know I haven't posted much politically before - but from a purely human perspective - I want this war to stop. Mothers should speak out, and I don't do it often enough.

Peace Out,

Working Gal

The Mixing Bowl Defense

I promised to post about a funny story about me and a bug. The theme over at DraMa's blog is wussy ways you've made other people kill bugs for you. Please keep in mind that we have pest control service at our house every two months. When you live in the desert you have to be worried about poisonous flying things and spiders. Particularity black widows and scorpions. So, to protect the home front - pest control service is a must. At least it is a muss for a big wussy like me.

As my reader(s) know, AtHomeHubby does work a couple of nights a week at a restaurant. About a year ago, he was working at the restaurant, and I was home alone with the kids. I was having a lovely evening, having gotten the kids down to sleep. I was hanging out, watching TV and decided that I needed to get my comfy pajama pants out of the laundry and change into them (don't judge me - yes, I know they were dirty. Dirty is relative).

So, I headed off to our bedroom, and into our bathroom where the laundry hamper is. So far, so good. It was about 8:30 at night, with AtHomeHubby's ETA around 10 or 11 that evening. I went into the bathroom, and picked my pajama pants off the top of the hamper. I changed into them and as I tossed my jeans into the hamper

I

saw

IT sitting on the ground.

And then I freaked. out.

I quickly patted myself down, frantically feeling all over my legs to make sure there wasn't another spider in my newly put on pajama pants. I then got that shiver up and down my spine and screamed a little (the kids were asleep after all).

Then, like the big, brave mama bear that I am, I ran out of the bathroom, out of the bedroom, shut the door behind me, and ran out into the living room. I grabbed my cell phone - jumped in the chair, started crying and rocking myself and dialed AtHomeHubby.

Ring.

Ring.

restaurant chatter in the back ground

Hubby: Hey, babe, what's up?

Me: crying hysterically

Hubby: panic - thinking that something is wrong with the kids. Steph, what is it?

Me: There's a spider

Hubby: relieved and annoyed. Um...Ok

Me: No, really, a big huge, black spider with skinny legs - I think it's a black widow and I am freaking out.

Hubby: You need to kill it.

Me: NO, YOU need to kill it.

Hubby: I'm at work.

Me: Then come home.

Hubby: You're crazy - and need to calm down. Just contain it until I get home. Hon, I've got to go, are you going to be okay?

Me: bottom lip shaking I - I - I guess so....

Hubby: see you soon - you can do it.

So, I started looking around the house for a containment device. I went through the kitchen and found our biggest yellow mixing bowl. I gathered up my courage and crept to the bathroom. Please, God, let it be in the same spot - if it is not there I am going to FREAK OUT even more.

I opened the bedroom door - and went into the bathroom.

IT was STILL THERE!!!

I took a deep breath, raised the ceramic mixing bowl over my head and slammed it down onto the carpet, trapping the black widow!!!!

After the adrenaline surge subsided a little I backed out of the room with a towel and shut the bedroom door.

I then shoved the towel under the crack in the door - JUST IN CASE!

Then I headed back to the living room, and by this time I was SO creepy crawly that I pulled the leather ottoman out into the center of the living room - checked it for bugs, and sat on top of it with my legs crossed - that way nothing could get to me.

AtHomeHubby came home about an hour later and found me there - perched on the ottoman with tear stains down my face.

What a WIMP!!!

Have you ever had jury duty?

I've been in a training seminar all week - focused on jury trials.

Here are some of the high quality tips I've received:

1. Don't face the jury with your arms crossed - it makes them think you're mean, or angry - and, especially if you're a female attorney - bitchy!

I thought it meant - "would you like a cookie?"

2. Jurors are not happy to be there.

No.

Shit.

3. Don't read verbatim from your notes - it's boring.

I think my 5th grade teacher taught me this one. I guess most lawyers aren't "smarter than a 5th grader"

4. Don't wear short skirts.

Like, you mean, Ally McBeal and Legally Blonde aren't real????

And, finally, my favorite tip of all -

5. Don't lie to the judge!

This was in the "prosecutorial ethics" lecture. Gee. Really? Don't. Lie. Hmmmm....I'll have to mull that over for a bit.

Yes, the Government Entity I work for has paid for me to listen to this for the last three days of my life.

My Super Hubby

I just have to say thank you to my beloved AtHomeHubby. He does an amazing job keeping things running on the home front while I am at work. I came home today to two lovely, clean, happy children, a meatloaf and homemade mashed potatoes in the oven, and a spotlessly clean house.

Did I mention that ALL the laundry is done?

I guess I'll have to find a way to thank him for his hard work.

I'm sure he'll have ideas.

I could draw him a bubble bath...

A box of chocolates...

A shoulder rub....

Let me put it this way: he doesn't take baths, doesn't really eat sweets, and I'm a wuss at shoulder rubs.

I'll have to think of something a man would appreciate...

any ideas?

Maybe I'll do the dishes tonight.

Ya' think that'll make him happy?

All this cleanliness begs for something not so clean...

Guess I'll have to use my wildly womanly ways...

It's a Good thing They're Cute

***special note to the men who may come across this post - while this post may help you to relate to your wife/girlfriend/sister - you may not enjoy references to hormonal cycles and feminine products. Consider yourself warned***

I understood when I got pregnant that it would change my body. My boobs might sag, I might have a tough time with losing the weight, and, as my mom warned me, I might even get a cavity or two. I even knew that my hair might get thicker (or thinner), shinier (or more dull) and I knew that my, shall we say (as does Oprah) va-j-j might not be the same after having a baby.

Sufficite to say I was 23 the first time I was pregnant - and, looking back, still thought I was pretty invincible, and figured I would bounce right back from everything. Then, when I was pregnant again at 26 - I was a little more realistic, but, still, figured that I would bounce back.

I did not.

The following are a couple of the items I blame on my darling children.

1. MY HAIR. It did get a little thicker when I was pregnant each time. When I was pregnant with Brandelion, I discovered my first grey hair - that was 6 years ago and I haven't thought about it since. Until, that is, last Sunday. AtHomeHubby and I were standing outside at church, waiting for Brandelion to use the potty (again!), when hubby looked at my head and said, "wait...don't move." Knowing my fear of all things creepy crawly, I thought he was gallantly saving me from some horrible, crawling beast. I froze and he reached for the top of my head. And then I felt it - ouch. Hubby: "wait, hold on again". Then - ouch. Me: "are you pulling out my hair?" Hubby: silent - and holding up THREE massive grey hairs. I must have looked dejected, because he rubbed it in with "do you want me to look for more?" No, I do not want you to look for MORE!!!! How could there be more - I'm 29 for god sake. Now, everytime I am in the sun, I can be found tilting my head - trying to look at my own hair for the shiny grey ones.
   I never thought I would wish that I had a bug on my head.
   
2. MY MONTHLY VISIT FROM AUNT FLOOD. When I first got my period just before I turned 12 - it wasn't bad. In fact, throughout high school and college I had the standard, every 30 days or so - 5 day long, not terrible cramps, no big whoop periods. Then, after I had Brandelion, they got even lighter, but slightly closer together. I had almost no cramps, and no other symptoms. It was awesome - having a baby had actually improved it. Then, along came DramaQueen and boy have things changed. I now have a 9 day long, every 28 day hormonalpalooza. I have RAGING mood swings and feel completely unable to manage my own life. I get wicked cramps, back pains, and headaches. It sucks - I don't know what to do about it. I am considering the surgery (or, "non-surgical procedure") where they cauterize the uterine lining, and you never have a period again. I'm scared to do that - because it is highly elective, and I don't usually advocate elective medical procedures (except the tubal ligation - that was a NECESSITY, and a story for another day). Does anyone have any imput on this???
   
3. MY FEET. They are half a size bigger. None of my old shoes fit. Of course, none of my old shoes are in style...so, really, no harm no foul. I just have ginormous size 9 feet now.


4. MY VA-J-J. Let's just say - I have no use for "regular" size tampons. And, in addition to the "sizing" changes - everything is in a different spot - pushing ever so gently against my bladder. Let's just say, I have to remember to clench when I sneeze or cough, or laugh really hard. I can only imagine in a few years I will need these. Lucky, lucky me.

I'm having a rough week this week - just wanted to vent a little.